Letting go is for laters!
Tuesday, 22 May 2007
My son is five years old and ever since he was 2.5, I have been getting subtle digs from the MIL's side that have gradually become stronger over the years - about her looking after her grandson without me hovering in the background, cluttering up the picture. Before you ask, yes I have left him in her care during the day, in order to acqueise to her hankering, whilst I have taken care of some odd jobs nearby. So what is the problem? Well, she wants to keep him overnight. This is where I draw the line.
A day and a night away from my son is not something I like to contemplate. Truth be told, it is the stuff my nightmares are made of. I lose my temper, I shout but I have to bind him good night and take him to bed; in the morning, I want to be there when he wakes up and comes searching for me. It still takes a while for him to shake off the sleep and the minutes he still lies on my shoulder, holding on to the last vestiges of sleep are too precious for me to let go of, even for a day.
It took me a while to form a bond with him - though I loved him to bits from the minute I set my eyes on him, it was a while before we both relaxed into our respective roles. In fact, as he becomes older, I find we get along better. And I am loathe to test this hard-won bond with my boy by letting him away for a whole day and a night. That is the second part of my nightmare - if I let him go once, he would go away and would not be my little baby who comes crying for his mummy every morning anymore.
I know I have to let go but not yet. He is just five - I want to baby him for some more years yet. Already, he shows signs of growing out of his babyhood by changing his routine - increasingly, he takes himself to bed and acts like a big boy. There will come a day when he can take care of himself but until that day, I want to enjoy every single moment. And yes, that means not letting him stay overnight away from me for a few more years.
My mum let me and brother go off to our father's native village with assorted aunts, uncles and grandparents from the time we were four - I cannot imagine sending Pratik off like that! Maybe one day, when he is 12 or 13, maybe, certainly not when he is 5 or 6!
I know S thinks I should relax a bit but he is my only baby and I am not ready to spend a night away from him yet.
Am I being a bit too clingy?
Posted by DesiGirl 07:32
Labels: letting go, milestone
Leaving our child in their care for x number of hours is very different from they taking our child off for a whole day or more.
Thank you all for your comments. Like you say, until I am ready I am not going to force it. But when the subtle guilt is being fed it is rather hard to rake a stand.
But thank you for your wonderful words! Insecure mums - we should form a club!!
:)
Thanks! I am repeatedly telling myself not to give in to the EA, like you say. Not easy, eh?